At a loss

So the last week has been INSANE. I have been doing homework and housework non-stop and the girls have been watching movies non-stop. (kind of ironic because I'm taking a parenting class that tells me how bad this is for them.) I've written at least five papers, taken one test, five class discussions and catching up on homework last week. I still have a couple assignments to go, one test this weekend and one test next. I've finally reached a point where I need to take a break but I'm not really sure what I should do. I've caught up on all of my TV shows, I finished Chloe's halloween costume (oddly enough sewing is a break for me) and I'm not really sure what else is there. So, here I am blogging. I miss writing and thinking for days about the things I want to say. It is a little strange thinking so long about it but I enjoy thinking about all the funny things I'm going to say. So when I get a couple funny stories in my head I'll post them. In the meantime, I'll be looking for a TV show to get into.

Sad mood

So we've been sick at my house for a while and so we are all cooped up (and a little crazy too) but I've noticed when I get cooped up I tend to surf the internet randomly. Today I came across an essay that was featured in Oprah's magazine ("O") by Susan Klebold. If you don't know who Susan Klebold is she is the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the columbine shooters. Being cooped up tends to make me impatient with my kids, especially when they are sick too. I'd be lying if I said that I've been a good mom while we've been "hanging out" the last week together. What this woman had to say about her son just broke my heart. She didn't know what was going on in her son's innermost thoughts and feelings. He was a shy boy who didn't confide in others and didn't like to be dependant. The last thing she heard him say was bye as he walked out the front door. She thought he was upset about not being able to sleep in longer. For six months she was not allowed to see all the evidence that the police found in her son's case. During that time her and family believed that somehow he was involved by accident or that he was coerced into being a part of the shootings. Finally the police revealed his journals to his mother and she learned that not only had he been deeply invovled but that him and his friend had planned to blow up the entire school. For years he was suicidal and depressed and lonely. She knew none of this. I guess what got me to blogging about this was the fact that this woman was not a bad mother. Perhaps she could have been better and that thought will always plague her I think. Who couldn't be better? Accidents happen all the time. We can't keep danger, fear, loss or bad from coming into our lives or the lives of our children. It is a scary thing too. What experiences will my little daughter face in this life that I cannot save her from? This is incredibly depressing to think about but what can I say, Again, I've been cooped up. I guess It got me to thinking that people have a duty to each other in this world. We are each others keepers and if we don't look out for each other soemtimes tragedy befalls us. One person can see things that others can't. One person can be a lifesaver. One person can be a hero to somebody.

Pink, Blue, any color, she's a girl.

This morning I dressed the girls in warm little sweaters and hats and headed off to the park. It was chilly even though it was almost 11:00. At the park there was another woman and her 5 children playing. Kenzie began playing and made friends with a girl close to her age. She was wearing a pink hat with a bow, a pink stripped coat, red shirt, blue jeans, and as always, her cowboy boots. The other woman had a son that I would guess to be about 7 or 8 years old. He asked his mother (while I stood right in front of him) quite loudly if Kenzie was a boy. His mother answered, yes. He asked, if he is a boy why is he waearing a pink hat. The mother responded by saying that he needed something to keep his head warm. I think I must have stood there with my mouth hanging open for about 5 minutes just staring at them. In the first place, she does NOT look like a boy! In the second place, if she was my oldest, WHY would I put a pink hat on her that fit her head? Lastly, all this was said loudly in my presence without acknowledging my existence. I know I'm oversensitive, especially about my children, I guess I just thought her gender was a little more obvious. I realize we live in a world where no longer does a color identify you as male or female but I asume most girls who are around 3 wear pink naturally. I would understand if she was wearing blue that she could be mistaken for a boy but I just thought it was a little rediculous. I'm done now.